SteelEXE
by speedwagonlover69
Summary: i just want to upload this shit so people can read it


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Sup dog! This yo boy Steve here to tell you about this adventure i had back in the days At the time i was still only a second prestige in call of duty and in life. You could say I'm big fat loser that wasn't MLG enough. All i wanted was to be kool enough to impress this super bangable babe at my school. In the end I'm reminded of my lack of MLG skills but my dad Tim Allen and his best friend the school bully Freddy murcary told me i sucked at life. It wasn't great but one day i hope to make my MLG dollars from my mine craft twitch stream.

One day I woke up praying to my lord and savor Billy mays for giving me a chance to be the kool guy. When i got to school Woolie stopped me and said " Whens marvel, BITCH!" As an american i was crying on the inside until he told me it was just a prank bro. He then dunked me in the trash can and wrote my wiafu name on the trash can. Then my teacher can and laughed at me saying i was not a swag lord and just a punk bitch. Life wasn't dank for this Swag lord, sadface :(.

I was walking home from school later that day and I saw this shady looking guy having a garage sale. Granted it was just some guy selling used games in this big white van. He seem totally trust worthy, so i went to see what he got on sale. I looked at the table to see all these video games from my childhood. It had all my favorite games from zelda, mario, shaq fu, call of duty, gay sex simulator and all the other classics. It gave me so much nostalgia that it almost gave me a boner, almost.

"how much!?" I told the guy selling these games.

"You could buy all of them for 599 US dollars, but I'm having a sale today. That leaves the price to…two dollars and a complement." Answered the guy.

"Really! Oh gee willikers!" i shouted with joy. The guy looked up at me and took my two dollars but when i saw his face i was blown away. It was Gabe newell.

" that explains everything. thanks Gabe newell, your super kool." i gave a gold star and walked home.

When i got home, i played all my games. It took me an hour to play them all, mostly because they all sucked and i now remember why my childhood was terrible :(" It wasn't until i found this one game i don't remember buying. it was an old NES game Based on the Steel movie with my favorite actor of the 90s, shaq. Without thinking i put the game in my NES and played the game.

It opened with an 8-bit face of shaq with the steel mask on, but something seemed off. The masked was covered in blood, but not just any blood, Hyper Realistic Blood! At first i though it was weird, creepy even, but then i thought

"naaaa, must be a glitch or something. You know, how they old video games can be sometimes LOL!"

I stared the game it began with level one Green Hill Zone. I looked at it and out my words were

" WOW! i remember that scene."

I played the played the game some more as an 8-bit sprit of myself, which i though was just another glitch. I walked until i came across and giant silver man. It was Steel, but something seemed off about him. He was holding the head of Shaft in the hand! I didn't think much of it since this game must have been buggy, trust me i would know. I work at IGN and i know quality gaming when i see it. Steel then ran to me and all of a sudden a screamer popped up of the 8-bit steel head with the words " I AM GOD!' written under him. I thought this ending was stupid and gave it a 4 out of 10 along with a written long angry review about this game. It ended with me talking about how it wasn't as good as sonic R.

Later that night i had a nightmare about me losing my MLG swag to the illuminati. I woke and couldn't believe it but luckily it was all a dream. After words i read up some word up magazines with Heavy D, salt and pepper on the cover. After i got ready for school I notice something odd about my TV. I looked at it and it was the 8-bit Steel looking at me, covered in hyper realistic blood.

"i will destroy the erf with almighty power. You will bow before me and become my slave. I will build a base of operations to operate all the evil of the world. Meaning ill be working with the Illuminati and lizard people to take over the worlda! You will know soon enough player…"

The game shut it self off. I was standing there looking at the tv and knew that i wanted my two dollars back for this broken game. Ill do that later, for now i have to go to school. I walked to school with a piece of toast in my mouth thinking deeply about life as an anime character which would be so kwaii.

By the time i got there my crush was sitting on the carpet along with everybody else while looking at the teacher who was reading to the class. I walked in the class room like a G and dropped my back page on the floor. Everybody was looking at me like something was wrong and what i saw was horrible. I wasn't wearing pants! Everybody was pointing and laughing at me, even the teacher joined. It was all ogre now….

I walked home after that and thought about my crush. With all that happened the only thing that came up was.

" Uhhh, why cant I crush her puss!? Gee it sure is boring around here."

Then right there my entire life changed. john cena came down my block riding a tricycle with nick cage behind him in his big red wagon and for some reason he was dressed as super man. john cena looked at me with fire in his eyes and shouted

" COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE…AGAIN!"

I was shocked to here that john cena wanted me of all people. It was just like the prophecy I read on the back of my Jesus fakes cereal, now with 10 % more holy goodness. I asked john cena whats going on?

" we have to stop the lizard people from taking over band camp and protect the camp champ Leonardo DiCaprio!"

Meanwhile nick cage was pretending to drive his big red wagon while making cars nosies. john cena looked at nick, which was enough to shut him up. He looked back at me.

" Look we need you to collect the seven dragon balls AND the seven chaos emeralds before the lizard people do!"

I was believing what he told me and totally bought it. Without a second thought, i jumped on john cenas back and we petaled our way to band camp. It was 6:66 PM and we arrived at band camp with the lizard people waiting for us with a tied up Leonardo DiCaprio. At first I looked at the tied up leo and got super hard , so hard that I knocked out the lizard from spider man who was holding leo captive. I untied leo and he looked at me with a sparkle in his eye.

" You saved me. My hero." As he cried manly tears leo puts his hand on my check and with his final breath he said.

" I love you…" he suddenly died in my arms.

I was so salty at what just happened that i screamed at the top of my lungs and turned super sayin 3. Then all the lizard people came at me with card bored boxes and pictures of my dad, Tim allen. John cena and nick cage joined the brawl! It took about ten hours to defeat all the lizard people. I looked at my new friends and thought to myself.

" man…this is going to be the . EVAAAAAA!" While blasting Bryan Adams summer of 69, as we montage though our quest to get the seven dragon balls and seven chaos emeralds.

It took over xxx years to collect all of them and by the end only one thought came to my head.

" holy shit, I missed school today….oh well."

We walked back to band camp and it turned into a lizard people camp with nazis and illuminati guards. I was stroking my giant beard and thought about a plan to sneak in. Though I realize why do that when i could show off my MLG skills on these punk ass noobz. I jumped out of the bushes and did lots of 360 no scopes while in the air. I then saw snoop dogg driving by with Tim Allen, sanic, goku,SuperButterBuns, and my step dad in the back blasting the next episode song. With all that kush smoke in the air all the lizard people got super high and started eat doritos and drinking mountain dew. It was all ogre now…until we heard a sinister laugh.

"Mahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha FOOLS!" We looked around to see what happened and what we saw was unbelievable. It was shaq in his steel costume covered in hyper realistic blood. " It was me austin, it was me all along!"

I looked at him with anger and screamed " You killed the only person who ever loved me, you monstar!"

We then started having a mystical kung fu battle in the air while john dean and nick cage watched in amazement. It was no use because he was wearing steel ( duuuu ). So I then turned super sayin god super sayin and used my power to the fullest. The problem was that steel used his shaq fu powers along with the shaq pack. He quickly ate the shaq pack and became even more powerful, you could say his power level was over 9000. With that power shaq did a magical kazam blast beam attack , the same one that killed my parents back in 87. I finally lunched my attack and both our power collided. I gave it everything i got but he was just to strong. I looked at john cena and nick cage who where both making out in the bushes, I looked at them and shouted in passion and anger.

"Lend me your energy not just you guys but everybody around the worlda!"

Just then everybody gave me there energy. I felt so powerful and strong but it wasn't enough. Right when i was about to win satan come out of nowhere and helped shaq by giving him more power. I though it was all ogre now…but then i heard a powerful voice.

" Don't worry, ill always be there for you." I looked to see who its was and it was the ghost of Leonardo DiCapro. " I will help you and give you my power in order to beat shaq and satan."

Then we both did our special final epic awesome 360 no scope attack canon special beam ultimate fabulous dany lazer blaster blitz…attack. Our love was powerful enough to defeat them. With them gone, the worlda was safe i landed on the ground the ghost of leo was there waiting for me.

" I knew our love was strong enough to defeat them." As manly tears came down our faces. " You truly where, the MLG swag lord."

All my friends came out of hiding and surrounded me with praise. All of them with the same message.

" Congratulations." "Congratulations." "Congratulations…"

All of my friends where here like john cena, nick cage, snoop dog, sanic , someordinarygamer , will smith, my step dad, my real dad tim allen, kobe , and even my crush from school, hatsune miku. She ran to me with open arms and kissed me on the cheek.

" I love you so much xXxPimpSwagLord420portlanblazingxXx-senpi and i totally want to sleep with you and stuff." She said in Japanese (thanks google translate). I looked at her in disgust and shoved her away.

" Sorry miku, but my heart belongs to someone else." As i look at the sky seeing leo face looking down at me with mainly tears coming down my face.

Right then nick cage broke his silence and squat down. He pooped out the all dragon balls and chaos emeralds we collected while laughing madly to himself. Right then and there, I knew what i had to do. With them together i wished leo back to life. He came down from the heavens with fireworks behind him along with an angelic choir singing for his arrive back on earth.

" LEO!" I screamed as i run into his arms.

I picked him up and walked towards the sunset. I knew now that it was now truly, all ogre now. Everybody was clapping and crying after seeing what the true beauty of this reality really was. After that we had a romantic dinner at burger king and had a super kool son name jack. After which the almighty pope billy mays bless him with holy powers of oxy clean. We then lived in a big castle in the sky with my boy pro jared and jim Morrison. We all lived happily ever after. The end.


End file.
